#28: MAKE IT BETTER

This Week: DEI, Inertia & Birthday Wishes

~4.5 MIN

I’VE NOTICED THAT DIRECT FEEDBACK is the most challenging feedback to give and receive. Conversely, indirect feedback is easy to give and often misunderstood by the recipient. It is like hinting. The word direct causes so much consternation and pain. I’ve been on the giving and receiving end. When unpleasant, my heart beats faster, I get flush and the real emotions of anger, defensiveness and/or frustration take hold. My wife says, it is not that I disagree with you, I just don’t like how you said it.

Direct feedback should be given unemotionally, constructively and kindly. Indirect feedback is not helpful.

A CHALLENGE: Could you summon the courage to give more direct feedback? When receiving, can you take it with a deep breath and a grain of salt? Remember, once feedback is given, agency is with the recipient - take it or leave it.

THE DANGLED CARROT OF MY HBS NOTES was enough to secure an overwhelming amount of direct feedback. It was positive which made me feel good, an unintended consequence of the request. My motivation was improvement since doing NTL well takes time and my feedback loop is primarily cold data like subscribers and open rates. I read those but the warmth of a reply helps me refine and shape. Thank you.* The soul of something is never in the data.

FOR YOU: If you like something that someone is doing, tell them and tell them why.

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THE DEATH OF THE DIVERSITY, EQUITY AND INCLUSION MOVEMENT as a political weapon of institutionalized racism/classism, as a government-sponsored adjudication of past sins committed by someone else and the absurd belief that equity is magically attainable is fantastic. The only equity among humans is time. DEI was a cultural sickness that overtook many well-intentioned people trying to make the world better. In the end, I believe the idea of meritocracy defeated DEI. The two ideas were incompatible.

There is another side to this story, however, that I find very unfortunate and sad. Though I welcome the political death of DEI, I am left mourning for the slanderous impact of the following ideals I subscribe to:

• Diversity: Each time I’ve worked with someone different than me, I learn something new. The richest rooms with the most interesting people are the ones that welcome different backgrounds, skin colors, citizenship and perspectives. There are tall people and short people there. Educated people and street-smart people. Wealthy people and poor people. When I think about diversity, I look for more opportunities to be in these kinds of rooms. Each of us is individually responsible for seeking out these interactions.

• Equal Opportunity: A cousin to “equity” but with very different meanings. Equity is the idea that equality is possible and can be institutionalized. It is not and cannot. Equal opportunity is the collective belief of citizens that everyone deserves a shot at achieving their dreams. It is a complex ideal worth all of our best efforts. For victims: do not confuse struggle with racism and/or sexism.

• Inclusion: Is showing up on the first day of school and being welcomed to the lunch table. Not because it is a rule of the school but because it is the right thing to do. I teach my boys about being inclusive.

Do we have a long way to go? Of course. That will never change as long as people are…different. If reading this frustrates or angers you, see if you can get past the emotions and ask yourself “why?” How can you as an individual promote the importance of diverse rooms, championing equal opportunity and making others feel welcome?

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THERE ARE THREE KINDS OF INERTIA which become barriers to the change a leader seeks to implement.

• Strategic: Struggle to see opportunities because of dogmatic adherence to the old model.

• Organizational: Lose sight of the customer and push paper around in a bureaucratic, siloed mess.

• Cultural: Can change slowly or quickly depending on the leader.

In areas of your professional life where forward movement is stalled, consider one of these descriptions. Which one are you?

NO ONE IS AN EXPERT OVERNIGHT. MOST EXPERTS I KNOW laugh at the idea that they are, in fact, experts. James Clear says, “An expert is someone who, over many years, manages to remain confident enough to keep trying and humble enough to keep learning.”

A few years back, I shared this quote with a friend who is elite at what he does.

As I look back on the me then, I chuckle at the realization of how little I actually knew and how much I have learned. As I look forward – I suspect my future self will feel much the same.

Making it better applies to everything around us, but the biggest reward is to start with yourself.**

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LAST WEEK WAS MY BIRTHDAY. There are two kinds of people. Those who remember birthdays and those who do not remember birthdays. Within those who remember birthdays, there are two kinds of people. Those who send birthday wishes to close friends and family and those whose net is cast further. I am amazed and grateful for those who I am not particularly close to who remember my birthday year after year.

The gift of remembering someone on what is a normal day for everyone else is a special talent.

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SOME OF THE EXCELLENT SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVING NTL. I’m going to try to work these in (some of these are edited):

• I like how you fight against the tyranny of “or.” It is more useful to use “and” as you frame up complex issues. - Amy

• I’d be curious to know why you chose the Bible verse you chose and maybe you could tell of its significance to you. - Preston

• When you attend something like HBS, it would have been great to know your top takeaways. - Craig, Laura

• What are your short and long-term goals with NTL? - Drew

• I like it when you challenge us with a question like ‘How are you using your powers for good?’ Do more of that. - Greg

• Do you have an opinion on the future of AI and Data in professional services? - Ngozi

• Maybe give us a ‘goal for the week.’ - Stephen

• More links! - Sarah and Tyler

• More data that backs up what you are sharing. - Claude

• Maybe include a “from my mentor” section where you highlight something a mentor shared. - Chris

• It would be cool if you had some collaborations, like with a guest post from a friend. - Kevin

A QUOTE WORTH READING: (shared by my friend and mentor Mike):

THE SPLENDID TORCH

This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.

I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community, and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can.

I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no "brief candle" for me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.

George Bernard Shaw

Faith improves my life. Here is a verse I like from the Bible:

My people, hear my teaching; listen to the words of my mouth.

I will open my mouth with a parable; I will utter hidden things, things from of old— things we have heard and known, things our ancestors have told us.

We will not hide them from their descendants; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord, his power, and the wonders he has done.

Psalm 78: 1-4

These verses were shared at a lunch I attended last week. “Hearing” and “listening” are the keywords.

~IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO MAKE IT BETTER~

@renzistone33 on X, LinkedIn & IG

*If you gave feedback and did not receive a copy of my HBS notes, please just email me and I’ll send them along.

**My friend sent this along. If you have a lesson that has worked for you in your life, send it along to me and I’ll see if I can work it into future NTLs.